$#!+ My Dad Says

My dad has arguably the most unique sense of humor of any person I've ever known. That may be a biased thing to say considering he's my father and all, but I can't think of anyone else whose sense of humor is anything like his (and trust me - I know some people who have very odd tastes in humor). His jokes aren't anything like the book $#!+ My Dad Says or even the TV show with its Archie Bunker-type of humor. If you're familiar with the book or the website you'll know it's pretty racy stuff, but the show's humor is much more toned down for a network sitcom.

Like I said though, my dad's humor isn't anything like that. Over the last few months, my two sisters and I have decided we want to honor him and his jokes in compiling a list of his favorite phrases. None of these phrases may strike anyone else as funny if they don't know my dad personally, but I really wanted to celebrate my dad and his style in humor here.

Here's the general gist of what my dad does: He'll take a phrase, title of a TV show, street name, store, or anything else one could think of and turn it on its opposite. That description may not make much sense, but hopefully this list will help illustrate my point.

Baywatch (yes, the series) becomes Watchbay. (Incidentally, this is my dad's favorite joke and really what started his whole line. And he also likes to say that if the show was actually called Watchbay and he reversed it to Baywatch, everyone would still make fun of him. Don't ask - I know it makes no sense. But it's still hilarious to my sisters and me.)

Old Navy becomes New Army.

Dried Earth Blvd (a street in his neighborhood) becomes Wet Sky Blvd.

Best Buy becomes Worst Return.

Ruby Tuesday becomes Diamond Wednesday.

I think you get the drift. My dad isn't like Grandpa Simpson, Archie Bunker, or Morty Seinfeld, but this is the kind of inside joke that makes us sit back as a family and laugh till our stomachs hurt. I expect with Christmas coming up this week we'll sit down at dinner and share some of our favorite Dad lines and keep trying to come up with some new ones.

My sisters and I have thought about writing a book that compiles every joke he's made using his style, and we've already got the title: Watchbay. We really couldn't come up with any other title more fitting than that since that's the joke that started it all. Be on the lookout on the NY Times Bestseller list, because Watchbay will be hitting shelves eventually.