I don't think I'm alone when I say that I have a fondness for the cartoons that I had enjoyed when I was a kid. In fact, I have DVDs of the original Transformers and G.I. Joe series that I occasionally still watch when I'm in the mood. I hope that I can share some of these cartoons with children of my own one day so they can enjoy some of the classics of the 80s.
One of the other cartoons I loved as a kid was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I loved the theme song, the characters, the storylines, and the humor in the show. I even once wrote a spoof play when I was a kid for a family party based on the Ninja Turtles; I wrote in myself as the villainous Shredder.
I say all that to add context to the news that came down the pipeline last week about - sigh - filmmaker Michael Bay's plans to produce a new version of the Ninja Turtles for kids and families to enjoy now. I use the word "enjoy" in the loosest sense possible, especially for those like myself who are familiar with the original cartoon. Bay has decided he wants to reinvent the Turtles, so to speak, and has made some changes to their origins.
I don't like what he has in mind. At all.
First, he's decided to make them aliens. For the life of me, I have no idea why, but now they're Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles. The problem is, that one little change completely undermines their origins. They were baby turtles lurking in a sewer when they came upon this radioactive ooze, which made them into humanoid lifeforms (don't ask - it's a freaking CARTOON, okay?). Their master also came into contact with this same ooze and turned him into a half-man, half-rat hybrid (again, don't ask - cartoon, remember?). Their master was named Splinter, who was skilled in the ways of ninjitsu, hence the ninja part of the title. As they grew up, he taught them those same skills and gave them ninja weapons to fight with.
Things don't stop there, though. When he was a man, Splinter had a taste for classical artwork, so he named the turtles after four of his favorite artists from the Middle Ages: Donatello, Michaelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo. And in a funny way of making the turtles a little more identifiable to kids, they had one absolute insatiable appetite for one food above all others: pizza.
Now taking all that into account, I have one question to ask: How in the name of ZEUS' BUTTHOLE will ANY of that make sense if they're aliens? They won't have Splinter as their master, they won't be able to have the same names as in the original storyliine (assuming they don't just pick those same names randomly, which would be insipidly stupid), and most of all their actual NINJA training won't fit with them being aliens at all.
It'd be bad enough if the changes stopped there. But after making his initial statement about changing the very origins of these turtles, he's also dropping the teenage aspect of them, so now they'll simply be known as "Ninja Turtles."
I know I sound like I'm throwing a massive fit over this, like Michael Bay is somehow ruining what memories I have of my childhood. But his reimagining/remaking/rebooting of this property brings up something that I see many people talk about when discussing any remake: the new version will change too much from the original. I don't normally mind changes when a property is remade in order to update it to a modern setting; it's more about getting the tone and characters right. The problem here is that this new version will be so radically different from the original version that there's no real reason to call it "Ninja Turtles" at all. Just give it a whole new name and no one will care. In fact, creating an entirely new property as a family franchise is a pretty awesome idea. The likes of Harry Potter, Shrek, and Toy Story are over, so kids nowadays could use something new to look forward to. Instead of ripping up a fairly beloved property, why not create something entirely new? I know there's less of a risk in marketing and merchandising a known property versus something new, but that doesn't take into account the massive changes from the original version.
I somehow suspect that Bay got involved in this project in a similar fashion to how he got involved in Transformers. When Paramount had approached him in 2006 to make Transformers as a live action movie, he came right out and said he wasn't a fan of the original cartoon. He didn't know anything about the property or what made it popular. What he did want was to make a family-oriented film, one about a teenage boy who got his first car. He didn't become familiar with the Transformers or its mythology until well after the first film was completed, and it showed in the film. Now I should say that I hadid enjoy the first Transformers, but the film was still deeply flawed in very fundamental ways (namely focusing on the humans in the film and merely using the robots for the action sequences). I have a feeling Ninja Turtles will turn out in a similar fashion, and Bay doesn't know much about their origins or why they were popular 20 years ago either.
Then again, I'd be shocked if Bay cared at all about what I or most other fans have to say, considering his three Transformers films made over $1 billion worldwide.
No comments:
Post a Comment